margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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