He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
