nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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