Will you blow on my dice?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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