Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
