I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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