Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
