I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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