If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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