she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I got her a Nickelback box set.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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