We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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