apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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