Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
