i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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