She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
