Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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