Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I love you.
Bad choice
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
