How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
