This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I could make wine with my vomit
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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