so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
