THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
