You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
