it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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