good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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