Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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