i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
