What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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