This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
