i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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