I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
