My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
After last night, I could never be a politician.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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