Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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