When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
