Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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