How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
