been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
