break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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