New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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