We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Randomize
