So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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