cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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