I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
