Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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