The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
