I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
