Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
