No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
