I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
