Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
