i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
